The "Future"

The minute you find out you are going to have a baby you start to plan. You may not mean to, but you can't help but think about the future and all the things that will change. You think about what your child will be like and what their future will hold. You think about your daughters wedding day or your son's first dance. You think about what they might look like and what type of man or woman they will become. When Mary was born that future that I had planned out shattered. It disappeared in an instant and nothing was left but a complete unknown. Of course, the original future I had been dreaming of was not real and never had been. No matter if I had a typical child or not. No one can plan out what a child's future will hold. We all just think we can. It is something that we hold on to. It is human nature to hold on to that idea and dream about our future. My amazing and inspired mother's words of advice comforted me more than she will ever know when she explained that reality to me the day Mary was born. She talked about what she had wanted and planned for her children (all typical) and said it doesn't always go the way we plan. In a few short words, she made me see that the future is unknown for EVERY child. She made me feel "normal." Which I needed more than anything at that moment. I will NEVER forget those words or the way it comforted me.

So, flash forward to 7 years and 9 months later. Mary's Resource teacher asks me, "What do you see or want for Mary's future?" Seriously!! How do I answer that? I wanted to say... I don't know! My plans for her future disappeared the day she was born. I am focusing on this day and this week and this year at the most. What does anyone want for their child? I want her to to be happy. That is pretty much it. I want her to pursue her own dreams, not my dreams for her. If those include going to college, living on her own, getting married, having a job, driving a car.... I want those for her. If she will be happier living at home forever... I want that for her. I want her to make her own decision and create her own future and her own happiness! Of course, I was not prepared to say all of that. The emotions of that question suprisingly overwhelmed me and I was caught off guard. I thought... what a stupid question. I want what any mom wants. What kind of thing did she expect me to say? I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "I don't know. I want her to be happy. I see her working, living on her own if she chooses. I don't know." I know it won't be the last time I will be asked that question and I am sure I have been asked it before. However, I don't think I will ever answer that question the same way again. I will make sure to let whoever is asking know how ridiculous I think it is to ask someone such a thing. I will hopefully help them understand that what I want is just as "normal" as what they want or want anyone wants for their child. I want her to be HAPPY.